you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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