you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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