I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
