2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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