Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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