Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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