im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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