dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Come share oat with me in your robe
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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