Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
