I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
