Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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