Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
