You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
