i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
