I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
