Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
