The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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