Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
