you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
