Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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