did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
