apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
