you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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