Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
