Porn is love you can see.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
