My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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