The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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