Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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