Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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