I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
