Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
