Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
