Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
