I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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