he thought i was a dude.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
