we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
