Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
