they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
