Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
