If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize