yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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