just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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