Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
how drunk are you?
Several
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
