i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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