If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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