i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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