One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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