I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize