remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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