I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
