She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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