I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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