that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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