She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
