The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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