You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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