Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
