dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
