I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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