well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
