I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!