Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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