one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.