My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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