When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF