oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.