whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
