Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
