I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
