Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
