Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
