you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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