I skipped work to stalk him.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
