so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
