oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
