also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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