i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
