last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i've created a new STD.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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