I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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