it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
