I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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