Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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